I was kneeling in prayer the other day in front of a picture of the Reverend Ian Paisley , leaning on my broadsword I used during the crusades stuck in the ground before me and I got to thinking, "how the fuck am I going to get myself back up?" then I got to thinking about Christianity and what happened just after Christ's death.
Now I've got no time for you unbelievers out there, it was on the History channel the other day so it must be true, followed by UFO's and the end of the world.
When Jesus was well hung then he drank some vinegar and ate some pickles, yummy, he died and the rolling stones came by but he had already done a runner to Canada or something, well that's the gist of the story, oh I left out the very sexy Mary Magdalene as played by Monica Bellucci , if he wasn't shagging that then I don't want him as my lord, what kind of savoir would let that go to waste?
Smoking does make you look sexy and cool, who is looking at the cigarette anyway?
So a Christian sect/cult grew in Jerusalem and 65 years after the death another was formed in Syria, that one took off nicely as you can see........ not! I got to thinking, those in Syria were just basing their belief on what they were told or heard about the guy, its not like you'd hear all the bad stuff now is it? like now when James Brown died its god father of soul this and that, no crack , wife beating or car chases with shotguns to be seen.
I looked back to see what famous man died in 1942 (65 years ago) and came up with John Barrymore the actor .
He had words of wisdom you could base a religion on I suppose and is obscure enough but still to have been heard off by some.
"The good die young - because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good."
"Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble."
" One of my chief regrets during my years in the theater is that I could not sit in the audience and watch me ".
"He neither drank, smoked, nor rode a bicycle. Living frugally, saving his money, he died early, surrounded by greedy relatives. It was a great lesson to me."
"Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."
"I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free."
"The way to fight a woman is with your hat - grab it and run."
"You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float."
"Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock."
The son of God JBM. Bear it in mind that when the Christian era was calculated in the 6th century the guy that did it was off by 4 years so it was actually 69 years after his death so the whole system is fucked anyway.
Someday they will find my blogs and quote from them, fake old man balls: " better out than in."
